Wednesday, May 20, 2015

Ode to "Teacher Heaven"

Every so often during our lunch break, us lower elementary teachers brainstorm completely ridiculous, highly improbable solutions to our everyday teacher problems. The conversation sometimes starts with "In teacher heaven..."

These conversations were the inspiration for this poem.

What would make a teacher's job easier you ask?

 Let me tell you...

A lie detector for when homework is due,
"You say your dog ate it? Let's see if that's true."

Teacher nap time on Mondays - uh, no. Every day!
Students who'd rather study than play.

Free lattes each morning, a massage after lunch,
Self-correcting worksheets and chocolate to munch.

Nose picking repellent, less paper, more time,
A handy mute button for students who whine.

Emails that can't be interpreted wrong,
In-service meetings that never run long.

A copy machine that can read your mind,
That never gets jammed, that always is kind.

A force field around my desk so that I...
Can get my work done... or at least I can try.

A potion that helps students to all get along,
To listen, solve problem, tell right from wrong.

A way to speed up students who work like snails.
For observed lessons to be successful - no epic fails.

Self-tying shoelaces, slightly more pay,
To have energy left at the end of the day.

That all students come from a supportive home,
That no one on the playground would feel all alone.

All of these things, would indeed help a ton,
They'd make our job easier - maybe more fun.

But these things wouldn't help us reach a young heart,
inspire, encourage, or build a good start.

You don't need these things to keep on reaching,
Because if our job was easy, it wouldn't be teaching!

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